Loneliness: More Connected Than Ever, Yet Still Alone

I am using this space to write about meaningful topics that impact people’s lives on a daily basis. It is an opportunity for me to introduce myself through my authentic ponderings. Furthermore, exploring meaningful topics will hopefully deepen my own insight, understanding, and help build trust with you (the reader).

I do hope to have readers and not to be alone, which brings me on to the first topic and to discuss the issues of loneliness.

Loneliness in a “Connected” World

We often hear that loneliness is reaching epidemic or even pandemic levels. But why are so many of us feeling this way? And more importantly, what can we actually do about it?

Talking of a pandemic: there does seem to be a correlation between COVID-19 and the current societal issues with loneliness. There was a brief moment when there was camaraderie among people, a sense of opportunity and hope that we would come out the other side a better society. There was a sense of unity: people checked on neighbours, cheered for healthcare workers, and flooded social media with community support.

As lockdowns eased, that sense of unity faded. And something deeper seemed to have taken its place. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, loneliness seemed to intensify.

Before COVID, about 25% of people in the UK reported feeling lonely “often” or “always.” After lockdown, that number rose to 41% (British Red Cross, 2020). That’s a staggering shift in how people are experiencing their social world.

Has Digital Connection Made Us More Disconnected?

During the pandemic, digital tools became our lifeline; Zoom calls, WhatsApp chats, virtual quizzes. They gave us some sense of connection when face-to-face contact wasn’t possible, but in the long term, they may have deepened a different kind of disconnection.

Social media, for instance, can both have the ability to bring people together and tear them apart. It offers the promise of community, but often delivers curated comparisons, arguments, and a surface-level connection that doesn’t meet our deeper emotional needs.

It reminds me of the myth of Pandora’s Box: social media opens up so much potential for connection, learning, empowerment, but also seems to unleash division, anxiety, and a loss of self. This paradox doesn’t just distance us from others it can distance us from ourselves.

(I’ll explore the topic of social media more in a future post.)

What Is Loneliness, really?

According to the Campaign to End Loneliness (The Guardian, 2024), loneliness is:

“A subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship. It happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want.”

In other words, loneliness isn’t just about being alone. You can feel isolated in a crowd, disconnected in a relationship, or unseen among thousands of online “friends.”

Loneliness is a mismatch between the connection we crave and the connection we actually have.

Why Loneliness Hurts (More Than We Think)

Loneliness isn’t just emotionally painful, but it has serious implications for our health.

Emotionally, it’s tied to:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Suicidal thoughts
• Substance misuse — especially among men, who are twice as likely to turn to alcohol as a coping strategy (Walsh & Schlauch, 2024)

Physically, loneliness increases the risk of:

• Heart disease by 29%
• Stroke by 32%
  (Source: Office of the Surgeon General, 2023; Daoust, 2024)

It’s not just a “feeling.” It’s a public health crisis. And the pandemic comparison? I don’t feel it is an exaggeration.

So, What Can We Do About Loneliness?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are ways we can gently begin to reconnect with ourselves and others.

Here are a few reflections:

1. Be Mindful About Technology Use

This isn’t about quitting social media or shunning technology. It’s about intentional use. Are we using our time online to connect meaningfully or just to scroll and numb?

We’ve all fallen into YouTube rabbit holes or endless scrolling. Instead, try asking:

“How is this helping me feel more connected, or less?”

2. Redefine Productivity

Often, when we feel lonely, we try to stay “busy.” But productivity doesn’t have to mean doing more it can mean doing what meets your needs.

What nourishes your emotional, mental, and physical well-being? Maybe it’s journaling, a walk in nature, listening to music, or reaching out to a friend.

3. Connect With the Present

Mindfulness even in small ways helps bring us back to the here and now. Feeling your feet on the ground. Breathing deeply. Noticing the world around you. Going for a walk and embracing the nature. Consciously doing a kind act for a stranger. These tiny acts can break the cycle of overthinking and help you feel rooted in the present.

4. Reflect on the Relationships You Have

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel seen and heard in my relationships?
• Which connections bring me energy, and which drain it?
• What kind of relationships am I truly seeking?

It’s not selfish to want meaningful connection. In fact, it’s human.

Final Thoughts: We Need Each Other

Digital technology has a role to play, and it can enhance human connection when used intentionally and compassionately. But it can’t replace what we fundamentally are: social mammals. We need touch. We need presence. We need to feel understood.

If you’re struggling with loneliness right now, you’re not weak or broken. You’re human.

And you don’t have to face it alone.

If you need to speak to someone or find support, visit: https://attachedtherapy.co.uk/

Let’s Stay Connected

If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What helps you feel more connected in a disconnected world?

Leave a comment, reach out, or just take a moment to reflect — either way, thank you for reading.

Until next time.
Jon Wibberley MSc MBACP – Integrative Counsellor and Psychotherapist

References

British Red Cross Life after lockdown: Tackling loneliness among those left behind. [2020-06-19]. https://www.redcross.org.uk/-/media/documents/about-us/research-publications/health-and-social-care/life-after-lockdown-tackling-loneliness-among-those-left-behind-report.pdf.

Office of the Surgeon General (OSG) (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. [online] PubMed. Washington (DC): US Department of Health and Human Services. Available at: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf.

Walsh, B.E. and Schlauch, R.C. (2024). Differential Impact of Emotional and Social Loneliness on Daily Alcohol Consumption in Individuals with Alcohol Use Disorder. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, [online] 264(112433), pp.112433–112433. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.drugalcdep.2024.112433.